I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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