I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
