my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
