Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize