sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
