There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
