weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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