matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
