in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
