I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize