It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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