At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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