Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
