Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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