I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
