Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
