if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just pee around me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
