saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
