VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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