the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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