I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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