I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
as a side note pls kill me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
