Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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