so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
