I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The adults are the big ones right?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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