Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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