I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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