Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
