Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
