My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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