so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
