I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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