finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
