How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
