I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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