So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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