Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
be right there i have to get my cape
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
