wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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