Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
