I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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