New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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