Little spoons don't ask big questions
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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