she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
