so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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