I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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