There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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