i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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