I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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