it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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