you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I faked an abortion last night.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
