no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
