He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
