I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
