I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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