Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
