we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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