hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
