Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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