you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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