I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
