Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
