You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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