1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
