i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
