I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
