we have officially lost it.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
