He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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