how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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