That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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