my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i drank out of a bidet.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
