pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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